curia is tis sat..hopefully every pdm bring their money n can collate e number of ppl who will be going..but for sure..i know will not be able de lor..if all e pdms got at least 1 person come..i think i xin man yi zu le..
my faith has dropping recently..know tat it happen but somehow it juz went to e back of my head..only after e convo on tue's night did i keep thinkin on wat happen to my faith..y is is dropping..how can i revive e passion n interest tat i once had for catholic stuff..n on tat very night..i learnt never to think so much before u go to sleep..wahh..tat night cant even sleep..even if i did sleep..it was a super light one..then e next day was super sleepy..even till today..still so sleepy..slept during maths class n durin e mock parliament session..think wu-ya saw me sleeping..but i heck care le lar..so pek lor..when u feel so sleepy..
ohya..bout e faith thing..i think i know y my faith dropping..
can u imagine if someone told u say she wanna quit legion coz got no cca points..when u keep on trying yet there is not much response from ppl who willing to join legion..when ur members dun wan go for meetings bcoz of see t'cher bu shuang..when ur pdm hav been asked to organise acies..n in e process of organising it..u met with so many disappointments..when during ur life recently,u met with so many rejections..when there r so many routines n things in ur life to see to tat u take it all for granted knowing tat u will be stuck in e sch for another 1++ yrs with tis kind of lifestyle..
guess my faith isnt very strong..e convo on tue night made me to think back to p6 tat yr..when i was choosing my sch..wanted to go st marg but went stc becoz of catholic stuff..n y did i wanted tat catholic stuff..it was bcoz i felt such an emptiness within me when i realised tat if i go to st marg..i wldnt be able to hav weekday sch mass..no more catechism..n morn prayers..it was tat longing for all these n also my longing to be a legionary tat made me go stc..
i also rmb bout my last few days at stc..i was very sad those few days..partially becoz i dun know if i was able to stay in e sch n also becoz of e many catholic stuff tat i wld lose upon leavin e sch..i cld not bear to leave my friends nor cld i bear to leave all e catholic stuff..
bcoz it was these catholic stuff tat somehow made pulled me through e many other things i had to do..
n on tat night i rmb tis quote by scout from e novel-to kill a mockingbird-"until i feared i would lose it,i never loved to read.one does not love breathing."
tis quote made me realised tat when i was going to lose being able to participate in catholic stuff..i would cherish every moment of doing it even when things dun go well and loved it even more..
however,recently..havin legion meetings was kinda sian to me..going up to do my morn assembly singing duties n monthly first friday mass duties wasnt sth tat sparked my mood..sth tat i looked forward too..it was..but somehow tat passion was gone..
i realised tat i began to take things for granted becoz i knew i wld be in e sch for another 2 years..n these r things tat i hav been doing for e past 1-2yrs..so there wasnt tat kind of enthusiasm of new things in me..i take it for granted every mth there wld be a mass..n mic n i hav to go help..take it for granted tat after mon's bio class..hav to go for legion meetings..take it for granted tat every mon mor at 7..hav to go up for morn assembly duty..so i started to becoming more sian towards these stuff..n external factors(read para4)..
but my faith really isnt tat strong..i till now sometimes still hav difficulty trusting and surrender everything fully in God..but i think now e most impt thing is to pray tat i wld be able to hav e continued passion n love for such stuff..n from now,i will do each duty n particpate in such things like there will be never a chance anymore..
ohya..e mass on wed will be a mass i will nv be able to forget..e communion song was heart of worship..n e song touched my heart..
e song goes like tis..
when e music fades
all is stripped away
n i simply come
longing just to bring something tat's of worth
tat will bless ur heart
i will bring u more than a song
for a song in itself
is not wat u hav required
you search much deeper within through e way things appear
i'm coming back to e heart of worship
n it's all about u,all about u jesus
i m sorry lord for e thing i hav made it
when it's all about you
it's all about you,jesus..
tis song touched me to tears coz e period before e mass..i juz thought of mass as time to do my duties..catholic stuff as responsiblities..i totally taken it for granted..n i hav lost e passion tat was once in me..
but now tat i hav sorted it all out..i feel much better..but i still think it will take me a while to be all alright..coz i m emo de ma..
< [P]ooh* [L]urver.
Follow the notes upon a journey;
At first sight marks one's destiny;
When the voyage comes to an end;
Return lies within hasty keys.
4:15 AM
Friday, February 16, 2007
e cny hols r here..but i dun really hav e festive mood leh..though e sale of brownies is finally over,but there r quite a number of admin things tat i hav to see to which i dun hav e energy to see to n also dun feel like..even for legion matters..i seem to take things as it comes(by saying tis,it's a hint tat e msg tat u receive is actually not sent by me=see e msging style ba)..wonder if i really becoming more n more slack or juz too tired..i was sleeping durin half of e cny celebrations lah then also at e start of chem class,i also slept for a little while..even when back home also slept for bout 2 hrs..n now i m taking a break from watching hanakimi on youtube.. show's really super nice..e more i watch,e more i wanna go to a boys' sch to escape e fate of messy handwriting..i wldnt hav felt so bad if fungus didnt insult me right in front of class..ever since p3,t'chers hav been complaining bout my handwriting but didnt really cared till recently or shld i say at e start of sec 3..when e horrible lit t'cher arrive..but matters didnt really become so bad till fungus say tat ur handwriting very messy,i wan an ideal handwriting and ur workings r very hard to find..u r putting a strain on my eyes n after reading ur handwriting,my degree will go up..very insulting lah..e worst one i hav experienced..how i wish i can be like ella n go to an all boys' sch then there will be ppl with worse off handwriting than mine..it's not as though i want such handwriting lor..i m like born with it..even if i do change it..how long can it last..at e most,i give myself a yr(like p6 tat yr)..n then e next yr,it will be back to square one..so i find no point in changing..my sci partner is a perfectionist..n she keep on asking me to change..but i find it useless lor..even yh-e super 1 neat freak also not able to make me change..looks like i hav to be stuck with it le lor..but i really wanna be like ella n go to an all-boys sch where my misery of messy handwriting will end..
< [P]ooh* [L]urver.
Follow the notes upon a journey;
At first sight marks one's destiny;
When the voyage comes to an end;
Return lies within hasty keys.
9:48 AM
Saturday, February 10, 2007
sian lah..still got tests to study..but shall make a short post first..cant help but keep thinking about those ppl receive e chinese results on fri..they were super sad..n i really cant bring myself to take e paper or sit for e exam..e chance of success is so low..out of 21 ppl who took last yr,only 5 manage to get distinctions..my mum even ask me if i wanna drop to express chinese..n i seriously dun know e answer to it..if i really drop..aiyah,i also dun know wat to do leh..grrrrhhhhhhh..e venue for e acies thing was super screwed up..one min at smota,then later say it's at spp..then ltr tell me e guy was juz exaggerating n it's back at smota..i m a super blur person liao..tis acies thing make me even more n chao blur lah..y in e first place did i agreed to do e liaising part..aiyah..sway lah..hmm..i m going to promise myself tat today i wont touch any matters related to legion of mary from today's noon till e moment i go n sleep..n anyone who come n disturb me becoz of it..i will go n da xiao ren..
< [P]ooh* [L]urver.
Follow the notes upon a journey;
At first sight marks one's destiny;
When the voyage comes to an end;
Return lies within hasty keys.
9:05 AM
Friday, February 9, 2007
So NeAr YeT sO fAr
tis past 2 days..my life has been going through with events tat r so near yet so far..n they hav sth got to do with e number 3 again..
ystd,went back home with yh n took 963 from harbourfront..we sat right at e back..as e bus was nearing e stop,i thought she wld go n press e bell which was at e seat in front of her..but she did not press it n e bus moved to e next stop n we had to alight there..grrrrhhhh..i hate to walk back..then when we boarded got 2 rv boys also boarded lah..n they also started walking in e direction of e previous bus-stop..yh was guessing tat they also miss their stop..n coz i very prk chek liao tat she caused me to walk n if they were actually suppose to get down at e previous stop..y couldnt they press e bell..so i shouted to them by saying..those 2 ppl in front n eh..they finally responded when they stopped at a small traffic light..n they replied tat they forgot to press e bell..n were suppose to stop at e previous stop..aiyoh,if e 2 boys could hav pressed e bell..then i wld not hav need to walk e creepy place(creepy coz e HDB flats were torn down n so tat whole area very de deserted)..n furthermore,i needed to use e toilet urgently..super sway on tat day lah..yh who's taller n had longer hands than me could hav easily reached for e bell tat was at e seat in front of her(btw,e person seated in front of ehr was an indian guy so mayb she dun wanna press e bell),e rv boys cld hav press e bell n though it was juz 1 bus-stop..it was a super creepy walk..
today..after cca went to meet jonathan to get e music scores..my mum was freakingly worried..wanting me to come back asap lah..then when i reach home at 9..she keep on asking y so late,etc..so de sian lah..juz meet n take things also need to add so many comments..when i went to e train carriage area at tiong(i hardly go town from there),so i had to check to see which side i was boarding n which station to stop..after check liao..e train tat i was supposed to board was bout to close its doors..n i knew i no chance liao..i had to see e train leave before my very eyes(for e very first time today)..when i reach there,i had a hard time searching for e control station..(i m not a geo student n so i suck at directions;i think everyone knows tis bout me..lol..)n i encountered e same prob when going home tat time which indirectly caused me to miss my 2nd n 3rd train..by e time i found e train line tat i m suppose to take n check to see if i m suppose to take e right or left side..e train was already starting to close e doors liao lah..(so tis is e 2nd time i m seeing e train leave before my very eyes)..after which,another train ome but coz i not fast enough n not close to e door..i could not get in coz it was too packed(and again i had to see e train leave..ggggrrrrrhhhhhhh)..
after today's train ride..i m not going to take train for quite a period of time or till i m forced to do so..trains r horrible..if not for my music scores..i wldn't hav want to myself go through e torture of taking trains..
< [P]ooh* [L]urver.
Follow the notes upon a journey;
At first sight marks one's destiny;
When the voyage comes to an end;
Return lies within hasty keys.
7:52 AM
Friday, February 2, 2007
aiyoh..y muz i be hit with one event after another..juz recovered from e fact tat had to organise acies for legion of mary..now had to go for some conference for interact lah(i m going to chao tis one coz hav to do preparation work for it n it will eat up 2 of my march hols)..if i m going for e conference thing..my schedule from end of feb to march will be sth like tis..
24/2-curia
29/2-2/3-CA1
3/3-9/3-preparation for conference
10/3-12/3-conference
13/1-30/3-preparation for acies and continuation of projects being discussed at e conference
31/3-acies
i think i will die with tis kind of schedule..hardly hav time to rest
hmm..i dun understand y everytime i tell myself i m not going to touch my cca matters for tat night..i will end up doing sth regarding my cca tat very night..can someone make me stop thinking bout my cca..i wanna throw all of my work to my "busy" pres n vice-pres..
however,somewhere deep in my heart,i really wanna take up everything n engulf myself in doing so much things tat i dun hav time to think bout things tat i dun wanna think about..
< [P]ooh* [L]urver.
Follow the notes upon a journey;
At first sight marks one's destiny;
When the voyage comes to an end;
Return lies within hasty keys.
8:39 AM